Hard to feel like you "fit in"

Hey. Its me. The one who usally writes on this thing. Well im in kind of a weird mood. I just got home from hanging out with my friends. We were at Sam's house. I came kind of later than everyone else. The minuet i walked through the door i felt slightly out of place. I went down the stairs following behind Sam as he led the way. I walked in the room and it seemed like all eyes were on me. (Which they probably werent) I walked over and hugged Lindsay, whom i hadnt seen for forever. Then i sat awkwardly on the floor. Trying to come into the "going no where" conversation. It was like that all night. I tried to be fun and invite people to go outside or walk down to the nearby school. But no one wanted to go, so.....Lindsay and I went.

While walking we walked past this lady that was drawing with chalk out on her drive way. Sure it was like what you and me use but her drawing looked amazing. Like the picture was a photograph or painted. It was so cool. She told us about the chalk walk down at Gateway she was in and was practicing for. I was amazed. We finally reach the school playground. It was alot of fun. We played hopscotch with these huge chunks of wood. I was just enjoying life.

We went back to the house and was ridiculed by the boys for being to childish. I dont know. The rest of the night was pretty boring. I felt like i didnt belong. I kind of wanted to just cry. You know when your completly surrounded by people, but you feel so alone? I felt like that. I probably should have just left and said i didnt feel good, but i didnt. I think im afriad that i will miss something. So i stayed. I got a ride home from Jacob's parent. I sat in the back of the truck with Morgan and Spencer. It was probably the best part. It was dark, and the wind blowing through my hair. I just felt free. No worries, no problems.

I got home and got a text from my friend that said that he thought i was staring at him all night. I feel really weird about it cause he has a girlfriend. Its not like i like him like that or something. Just the fact that everyone thought i was staring at him a bit much......Then to make my night just perfect my other friend kind of said that he was mad-in a nice way- for telling my other friend that he cared about her. Not in like a creepy i like you way, but as a friendship, like as he would for any of us. But the fact that she told him, kind of bummed me out.

I just want all this drama to go away. Im sick of it. With girlfriends, small disputes, misunderstandings and all......i just dont think its going to end.