everyday is so wonderful. suddenly it's hard to breathe.

I am sitting in the “family room” area of the apartment. Both Joanna and Rachel are in bed, but my mind is full awake with constant thoughts that the idea of putting it to rest seems distant and unrecognizable. Today was good. Nothing new to report, other than I succeeded in Italian class without being corrected every word. Therefore, I would call this day productive simply for that reason.  My stomach kind of aches, but it can’t be because I had three cookies instead on my usual two.  Italian treats just do not work that way.  I haven’t really been getting any sleep lately. My mind has been working over time, a constant clock, ticking through the hours without a water break. I have been thinking of everything. Of going home, of leaving, of what I missed, of what is to come. My family, my friends, my choices, my art, how I have changed, what I want to become. I have been thinking of all the people I never told how much they mean to me and how much it worries me that I will never get to say it. Sometimes I forget how fragile life is until a death strikes close to home and rattles everything into place.