a letter from the author

Dear Reader,

I am currently writing to you from my new studio in San Francisco. Listening to “Still Not Falling” by Shy Girls and waiting for my toe nail polish to dry. The windows are all open wide even though a cool breeze sweeps through into the room and Karl The Fog lurks over the city like a blanket across a sleeping child.

I just moved into this new place. It’s beautiful. Located on Post Street, it sits on the third floor of a quaint building. I have large windows across the entire side of the room, opening up to vine covered wall. I feel like I live in a secret garden even though the hustle and chaos of downtown is just down the street. My fellow tenants seem sweet and my landlords are parent-like and caring.

I have started decorating. Posters on wall, postcards on the fridge, and even a little terrium garland across the windows. Now all i need to do is hang up my photos - my favorite part. It’s like a little line of memories hung on a string by a clothes pin.

The bottom floor is a coffee shop. (I know, perfect for me.) And to a quick surprise, I already have a job there. Right now I am a dishwasher/cashier, but I do hope to quickly learn how to be a barista.

School hasn’t started yet. It will pick up in September. I am excited for classes to begin. I am taking a graphic design class this semester. Fancy that? I am nervous for that because it is a field that I have no real previous experience with, but that also makes me eager to jump in and try.

Anyways. I want you to know that I haven’t been happy for a while. Like truly happy. Which is sad, because look around me - I live an incredibly wonderful life. I am so fortunate and surrounded by so much love and support. This feeling I have is a combination of multiple things, but mostly it’s all in my head. I know I can change it and with that I am trying hard to change little things daily. So far, I think it might be working.

I apologize for not writing sooner. I promise to try harder.

Forever and Always,

Audrey

moral of the post: i am a weirdo

When I originally wrote the first draft of this post, (yes, I often write ahead of time. no, that obviously doesn't fix all spelling errors.) I said some generic introduction about how finals are over and they went well. I wrote that on Sunday. Before finals. SO obviously, it was just a guess about how my finals were going to go. And I honestly thought they were going to go a little like, for lack of a better word, "eh."

I was wrong.

(Hence the new introduction.)

This semester sucked. I am not going to sugar coat it. I was incredibly homesick and in an emotional funk that I couldn't shake. I was yelled at, humiliated, dismissed, and taken advantage of. I broke down in a hotel bathroom stall because I couldn't make it home without crying. I left class often beaten down. There were a lot of nights spent wide awake wondering if this was all a mistake. There were times that I nearly convinced myself that I would never make it as a photographer.

But one thing that didn't change was my absolute obsession with this art. I want this badly. And on those nights when I was about to give up, I couldn't think of what I would do instead. This semester sucked, but god dammit did i pull through. I didn't just pull through, I fucking (sorry Grandma) kicked ass.

I don't often like to pat myself on the back, but as I am writing this right now, having completed my four finals and last day of class, I can smile and tell you that I received an A, along with some pretty incredible accolades from my professors, in every class. Not only are they proud of me, but I am proud of myself.

I just wanted you to know (because the rest of San Francisco knows as I practically danced down the streets the last few days.)  (:

Now don't get all emotional on me, we all know I am not good with dealing with other's emotions. But if you ever want to get coffee, I will probably bring my work and show you like a proud finger painter showing his Mommy his first art piece and hoping you put it on your fridge. So there's that.

Anyways.

The end of my fifth term at AAU also marks the end of my time on Rivera Street. You heard it right folks, I am moving out of the apartment I worked incredibly hard to get into. Yes, that does mean I will go through that experience again in August. Yes, that does mean that there will be a post telling you I am homeless and the world is ending... Again.

Because of my Summer travels through Europe (thank you Gabrielle for graduating and giving us a reason to get tan on white sands, eat gelato, and pretend we are not American,) my lack of an abundance of money to pay the high rent in SF for a place I will not be residing in, and because I cannot stay in the same place for a long time (I am a weirdo that craves change,) I need to pack up the ol’ apartment and put it in a storage unit by May 27.

But before I hand in my keys, I thought it was only right to give a little tribute to my first studio in the big city by writing a:

List of Things I Learned While Living at 2300 Rivera Street in Parkside of the Sunset District:

1. Just because you do not speak the native language of the Landlord does not mean you will not get the apartment.

2. Five minutes from the beach means 27 minutes from downtown on Muni and 2 hours and 28 minutes if you are walking.

3. Always turn the corner into the laundry room with caution. It is quite possible someone is doing dishes completely naked.

4. Or there is a model making breakfast in lingerie on a tuesday morning for your scary hairy large house mate.

5. Safeway is only five blocks away to get there, but coming home it is twenty to thirty blocks depending on how much you loaded into that extra large blue IKEA bag.

6. No matter what you do, that light outside of your window (that is only supposed to go on when someone walks by) will stay on forever.

7. Your mail will only be delivered after midnight and will possibly be folded in half.

8. When you do not have a lid to your pot and you want to make rice that needs to “simmer,” a plate is a perfect replacement.

9. People in the sunset district like to sit in their cars for hours, alone.

10. Your neighbor may be growing pot and smokes it every Wednesday night, heavily. Sometimes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and occasionally Sunday.

11. The fact that you can tell exactly where your landlord (who lives above you) puts his phone (because it vibrates the floor loudly… at least I hope it’s his phone...), the exact time someone takes a bath, and when family dinner is, probably means they could hear you sing loudly when you thought you were a contestant on The Voice.

12. When they are fixing the stove in the kitchen, it is probably safest to not be home instead of sleeping in the other room. Why? Well because when they break the gas pipe and a fire erupts, no one will tell you and the only way you will find out is by the yelling in Spanish and Japanese as they all wait outside the apartment and argue who will "fix the fire."

13. For the first minute of the shower being on, more steam than water will come out. You cannot see anything, but it’s sure fun.

14. No matter what you do with your hair, Karl the Fog will adjust it drastically the minute you get outside.

15. The weather is completely different in the Sunset than it is Downtown.

16. People will not visit you when you live more than five minutes out of Downtown.

16 1/4. even if you bribe them with food.

16 1/2. or alcohol.

17. Even though there are an abundance of houses, you will not see your neighbors.

18. Uggs are still popular and are worn by the high school students down the street.

19. In the Fall, that screaming and bright lights you witness is not a zombie apocalypse, but rather a football home game at that "Uggs" high school mentioned above.

20. Always expect Muni to be late or broken.

21. Muni will always smell better after leaving the Castro stop.

22. If Muni shuts down, people will panic like it is the last boat on the Titanic. You will end up walking home. Hope you are not wearing flats and it’s not raining.

23.  Ordering any sort of Asian food will arrive instantly and is probably homemade by your neighbor.

24. Your internet will only go out when your landlord is in Hong Kong for two weeks and it’s finals week.

25. Mount Davidson Park is not that far from you (you can see the cross on the top of it clearly,) but some how you have the hardest time getting to and from it easily.

26. Having your bed on the floor is the best thing ever.

27. If we are ever on a game show where someone needs to unlock something from a pile of keys in a short amount of time, you originally should have not been that person, BUT because you have six keys to get in and out of, you may become the Key Master and set impressive record timing.

28. If the lock on the gate breaks, the best time for the landlord to fix it is at 12:30 a.m. with a drill.

29. And then he will text you about it at 1:30 a.m.

30. Living alone means right after your shoes come off, so do your pants.

31. Making dinner for one is actually kind of difficult.

32. When running down the beach, if you approach a fence, do not climb it because the it might be the tiger’s cage at the Zoo.

33. If you run the other way, you may meet some hippies in the park, which could be a good thing or very frightening.

34. If you have nothing to do on Saturday nights, Java Beach Cafe has live music by local beach bums and they are actually pretty good. But that old guy with the bad memory (and even worse breath) will hit on you and reintroduce himself even though you seem him there all the time.

35. If you want a social life, the Sunset is not for you, but that house on the corner of Rivera is pretty good for the price paid, is practically right on the sand, will diminish all of your fears of public transportation, but give you new ones, teach you to leave hours in advance, give you permanent beach hair, and it’s a good learning experience.

Little green house on the corner, you will always be in my heart. Thanks for the memories.

xoxo

Making the [Least] of Social Media

Last week I attended a lecture on social media for photographers. This is my response:  

I love social events. 

There is something invigorating about a group of people with a common interest all joining together for a night of inspiration. 

I knew that APA’s little event was not Salesforce’s world famous conference, but on the evening going into “Modern Marketing for Photographers,” at Left Space Studios in the Mission, I had this excited feeling that my notes were going to help change my career, that I was going to leave with numerous contacts to exploit in the near future, and maybe even a free neon colored backpack stitched with an embarrassingly large logo.

After signing in and beautifully writing my name on an obnoxiously sized sticker (which I had a problem finding an attractive placing for on my shirt,) I walked into the darkly lit high-ceiling event room filled with socially awkward photographers in odd patterns and cargo pants. With my optimism still high, I made for the bar making eye contact with the gentleman opening a new bottle of red wine. Turning around, glass in hand, I faced my unknown new friends.

Usually, I am very good at sneaking my way into conversation, but my tricks failed me with these shy artists. Everyone stood lonely in their own clusters. Imaginary force fields keeping them tied to their iPhones and looking aimlessly at the empty white walls. A few brief exchanges of uncomfortable handshakes, a woman who gave me a free screen cleaner, and annoying name droppings from a man who tried to pick me up after the lecture with the line “hipster girls like you look good on the back of my bicycle,” was all the social excitement I received before they asked us to sit down. 

pre event bathroom selfie

I sat in the third row, first seat to the isle; not too close to be a geek, but close enough to express interest. 

A balding man took the mic, introduced himself, and made a joke about tequila that no one laughed at. Recently having watched a documentary on the founder of Apple, I sat eagerly hoping to be inspired with the same majestic feeling that Steve Jobs delivered with his sly smirk before a crowd of high waisted khaki wearing nerds. Sadly, my disappointment settled in heavily right about the time we hit slide three.

Nicely put, I wasted two hours, fifteen dollars, and three squirts of perfume last Tuesday evening. I walked out of the building with an empty notebook and an appreciation for one minute long “how to” YouTube videos that would give me the same amount of information in a shorter time and while wearing my pajamas. 

The slideshow was slow and the presenter read it word for word. 

Now I know I am no expert in the art of presentation, but what I do know is you have to be interesting. Your slides should be bullet points for your speech. If we wanted to read about the topic we would have picked up a book, but we wanted personality and elaboration on experiences, at least, that’s what I wanted. 

The facts on the slides were incorrect and gave a “do it my way or fail” vibe that put a panicked pursed lipped look on the mouth of the woman seated in front of me. The examples were not relevant and up to date on the changes in layouts and guidelines of most of the social media applications talked about. The questions asked at the end were responded with a “um..” or “well I don’t use that” response that left the presenter looking uneducated and rude and the questioner annoyed. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. And nearing the end, the only thing that kept me staying was the devilish hope of snagging a bottle of wine on my way out. 

I picked the lecture because I found the topic relevant and interesting, but was incredibly disappointed. Ultimately, Tuesday evening, I lost time, patience, knowledge, and a follower on Instagram.

reckless abandon

Music often inspires my photography, as you might have noticed with my lyric/song pairing with each post on instagram or my continuous need to tell you about every music video I find. Now that I think about it, I think I follow more musicians on facebook than I do my friends. 

With that in mind, i would like to present the Verbaledudette monthly music series. At the beginning of each month i will share a collection of tunes that have continuously soundtracked the previous month; some new finds, old favorites, and inbetweeners. 

To make for easy listening, you will also be able to grab a hold of the playlist on spotify. 

i am excited to share my first, here we go! 

April: Reckless Abandon 

1. i need my girl - the national 
2. one for the road - arctic monkeys 
3. black belt - john grant 
4. let go - rac 
5. secrets on our lips - astronautalis 
6. gracious - ben howard 
7. the ghost inside - broken bells 
8. west coast - coconut records 
9. love interruption - jack white 
10. go it alone - beck 
11. i'm into you - chet faker 
12. vagabond - wolfmother 
13. i will be there - odessa 
14. hey pretty - poe 
15. speak in rounds - grizzly bear 
16. 6 underground - sneaker pimps 
17. percussion gun - white rabbits 
18. renaissance girls - oh land 
19. lonely press play - damon albarn 
20. sweet disposition - the temper trap

enjoy! xo : ) 

i risked incarceration, #mugshot

I may have stolen my neighbors garden gnome for a school project tonight.

For those of you worried that I will be imprisoned for stealing a hollow dwarf, do not worry, I returned my little pointy hat friend after he spent five hours in my kitchen (and after the sun went down. It was awkward enough stealing it in broad daylight with the mail man and karl the fog as (hopefully) my only witnesses.) If I said that the gnome was simply on the corner and it was an easy walk and grab by I would be lying. If I told you that I had to reach through a fence, while on my knees, and my head almost stuck between two white wooden panels, I would be telling you the truth. All I can say, is I better get an A on this assignment tomorrow. For goodness sakes, I risked incarceration, that should count for something, right?

In other news about being arrested, I am now officially allowed to drink legally. Happy 21st Birthday to me! As my fellow birthday sharer, Justin Bieber, spent his day paying bail, I spent mine with lovely people, tasty food, and damn good music. And yes I do remember everything.

I just wanted to give you a little heads up on my recent rebellious life and reassure you that, despite the rumors, the selfies I am taking lately do not include #mugshot in the caption.

xo

P.S. like the title? after the gathering of hot men (sigh) on my blog, my stats confirmed that the more controversial or sexual title I had for my posts the more views it received. You dirty readers you!

swooping hair and a sarcastic grin

Ladies and gents, boys and girls, it is time to bring on the closing act of Verbaledudette's Olympic Hotties 2014. It has been an adventure. We have seen the bold, the brawny, and the naughty. The skaters, the sledders, and the skiers. Loose toothed hockey boys with soft sides and snowboarders who showed us their darks sides. We even got reprimanded! (Must be doing something right... heehee.) As a closing act, I would like to introduce a hottie very dear and near to my heart. Meet Konrad Rotermund:

"this is Olympic as is gets" 

Originating from Michigan, Konrad now lives in Salt Lake City with his beautiful wife and adorable children. (I know, I know, he is taken - bare with me.) 

He has been consistently placed in the Top 8 in the Pro Mogul Tour standings, has graced the November 1984 cover of SKIING magazine, along with being published in POWDER Magazine's annual calendar and published in all major ski publications and trade manuals, Konrad has been seen skiing in every color and style of ski suit possible. (Yes, even the onsie, oh baby.) 

Having had a history of trying at least every position available in the ski event world, Konrad now focuses on producing Freestyle World Cups/Championships all over the world, as well as television broadcasting production. 

On the hill, he can often be found with too many credentials around his neck, a radio to his ear, a Deer Valley cookie in one hand, a ski pole in the other, and a genuine "don't f**k this up" smile on his face. 

Since the Olympics in 1998, Konrad has enhanced the Olympic events with his worldly travels, an enormous passion for skiing, and incredible production/leadership/marketing/communication skills.

No matter the weather, you can always rely on Konrad.

Swooping hair and a sarcastic grin, this stud just happens to be my Father. (Now you know where I get my beautiful hair and sarcastic disposition.)

Konrad in his natural habitat.

Although he spends a lot of time away from his family during Olympic season, they just want him to know how incredibly proud they are of him. If they were judges, they would easily hand over the gold in a heart beat.

Here's to another great season of Olympic Hotties! Have a lovely night. xo


P.S. Just want to remind everyone that this is actually a blog that I post in all the time. So come back and read about things other than hot Olympians. Such as my dating life in San Francisco which usually goes a little like hot guys I think want me but really want the guy next to me.

my assortment of men

At the beginning of this adventure I made little folders separating the different disciplines of all the athletes as a way to organize their beautiful faces. As I clean out my assortment of men in preparations for the end tomorrow night, I found that there are way too many amazing athletes that we didn't cover. So, with that said, I give you the rest of the skiing and snowboarding folder:

Alexander Bilodeau

Cameron Bolton 

Christian Haller

Jan Scherrer

Paul Berg

Sven Thorgren

Yannic Lerjen

Goodnight. XO

there is nothing wrong with looking at a person, being it male or female, and saying "damn!"

Before I get down to what we are here for, I want to address a subject that was brought up to me this evening. I received a message accusing me of objectifying men through my series of Verbaledudette's Olympic Hotties. I disagree. I do not believe I am promoting any sort of objectification. Sure, I write about how talented and beautiful they are, search for shirtless pictures, and make up stories about us making love in almost every room of their homes, but they are chosen because of admiration. All this is is talented athletes that look good, sprinkled with colorful sarcastic humor. 

I think it is important to recognize a body that someone has worked so hard to create in order to be the best athlete in their sport. I write these posts as I sit in my pajamas, regretting not going to the gym, and eating Girl Scout cookies, while these men work their asses off to achieve a goal. There is nothing wrong with looking at a person, being it male or female, and saying "damn!" 

The Webster's dictionary defines objectifying as "to treat (someone) as an object rather than a person." I do not see these athletes as objects for sex (but hey, if their down..)  I see these athletes as inspirations for their commitment to their sport, as well as their physical appearances. 

Their blue eyes may have come naturally, as wells as their love for eating and watching TV (common hobbies I have noticed,) but none of these men were born with six packs. With that said, this series is a thank you and a round of applause to those who have put forth the effort and have worked to claim the title of an Olympian. 

Now let's hear it for the boys and meet tonight's contender! That last days are approaching fast and I am sad to say it is almost time to seal the envelope of another successful collection of beautiful boys. But let's not get teary eyed yet, because Mats Zuccarello is here for dinner and a movie night of all the Lord of the Rings films: 

Norwegian and twenty six years of age, Mats plays forward in the daring, slamming, tooth chipping, big bodied, game of ice hockey. 

His hobbies include American football (that he learned from his teammates on his New York Rangers club team,) golf, and tennis. 

He speaks Norwegian (naturally,) English, and Swedish. Three language options means you are practically dating three men. One night you are cheering on your Norwegian boyfriend at his hockey game, the next night you are going to the clubs in New York with your English (American-grinding) boyfriend, and then the next night he is serving you Swedish meatballs. (Get your head out of the gutter. I see your eyes widening and I can hear your giggling over here. Heehee.) Three's company all packaged nicely into one brawny bod. 

His nickname is The Hobbit. Now, I think most people would not admit to the nickname, but he has the confidence and a good sense of humor to not only accept it, but promote it. So what I am saying is if you have some fantasy to sleep with foreign creatures, here's one. 

During the playoff round at the Sochi event he was unable to play because of a hand injury, so tonight when he comes over, let him have the first bite of ice cream and give him an extra kiss. Lord knows he deserves it for working so hard and because well, if you have the chance to kiss him, I would take that opportunity.  

"What did that Verbaleudette writer say about my meatballs?!?"

Thank you for your support of Verbaledudette! Have a lovely night. xo

living off PBJ's and eggs

Snowboard slopestyler Chas Guldemond caught my eye when I was researching Hotties because he was the first one I found shirtless. And it has been love ever since:

without clothes

with clothes

Originally from New Hampshire this 26 year old moved to Tahoe to pursue is obsession with snowboarding.

"After a lot of hitchhiking to the mountain, training everyday, and living off PBJ's and eggs" Chas found his way to his first Olympics.

i wonder what he looks like standing straight.
he always seems to be tilted to the right. - just saying. 

Although fun facts about Chas are scarce, I was able to collect this cool website: http://www.chasguldemond.com/  I love how simple and basic it is. "Straight forward, easy to remember." - Captain Jack Sparrow. But who needs information, when you can just look?

oh yes. blow the wind so my shirt just magically outlines my sexy body. 

like this picture? pretty mountain scenery? look below at some photographer magic happening!  

I cannot wait until I can afford to build mountains in my room to shoot portraits. 

Goodnight. Xo

his position style is "skip"

Although curling may be a bit more fun to play than watch, one thing is for certain - Thomas Ulsrud makes it worth the time. Please say hello to our oldest hottie so far: (but like, do we really care?)  

He may be 42, but goodness, Norway knows how to raise them right. Thomas plays golf, off road biking, and supporting the Norwegian football team Valerenga. 

how can you not love those pants? oh, and his cute bum. 

His position style is "skip." (I obviously do not know anything about curling. I mean, I think we are talking about curling...)

And clearly, Verbaledudette is not the only one in love. 

link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moORw6P1I80

xoxo

Happy Toews Tuesday!

Jonathan Toews an ice melting, sizzling stick, with puck hard abs from Canada: 

At the age of twenty five, this hockey player already has a previous winter games under his belt, but also a variety of titles such as the youngest member to join the "triple gold club." 

He started playing hockey on ice rinks his father would make in the backyard. (My neighbors tried to make an ice rink in their front yard one year. There was ice for sure, but not much rinking.) 

look! a snuggle buddy for you when he is off playing his games! looks just like him!

He loves to watch TV, play video games, and go out to eat after every game. (Sounds a bit like every boy I knew in high school. But hey, no judging, they turned out great. In fact, most of them are hotter now then they were then. (I hope they think the same about me too, because goodness, my hair did some wild things in those high school days. Also, pretty sure I wore a lot of multi colored jeans. A fashion trend I kind of regret. Oh well, at least my kids will think it was so "retro mom.")) 

just in case you were wondering what his children would look like. 

He was once quoted saying this: "You become what you think about and focus on the most. See yourself attracting the things you want to accomplish. Thoughts and desires in your mind can become a reality."  

Happy Toews Tuesday! xo 

he broke his finger is 2011 and sprained his knee in 2014

Today is President's Day in the good ol' US of A and what this means is that every school across the country had today off, except for the Academy of Art University. Sound familiar? Yeah, that is the school I go to.

I haven't had the chance to tell you about my school days, because this blog has been dedicated to the hot men fighting for medals in Russia, but let me fill you in a little. I am taking a old fashioned, analogue, dark room, black and white, film photography, class. I haven't developed my own film and prints since I was in Italy (a moment to reflect back on such great times..thank you.) Last class we developed our first rolls of film and today we developed contact sheets. It felt so good to be back in the dark room, a good playlist on your headphones, your hands dipped in fixer, and creativity in your control.

If you have ever been with me while we confessed our deepest desires, you might already know this, but the dark room is like my ultimate dream kiss spot. So while I was developing today, I couldn't stop thinking about someone coming in and layin' one on me. And that special guy was tonight's Olympic Hottie, Xavier Bertoni:

25, French, and a half pipe skier, this blonde babe captured my heart when I first saw him on TV with Kevin Rolland while participating in the XGames.

His hobbies include parachute jumping, motorcycles, mountain biking, and quad biking (not sure what that is, but if I get to see your quads, hey, it can't be too bad.)

He broke his finger is 2011 and sprained his knee January 2014.

He has a tv/web series with Kevin Rolland at followus.tv and it includes videos of them skiing, eating, traveling, sleeping, and sometimes singing in the shower.

Goodnight. XO