the first impression rose

Happy Friday the thirteenth and here is a toast to the weekend that is about to come. Also, let’s open that figurative keg and poor me a figurative glass of beer in celebration to the finishing of my first week at a real university. Yahoo, I cannot believe I made it. I met a lot of new people, no that is a lie, I SAW a lot of new people this week, got lost more than once and did not ask for directions or look at a map (which would advertise my newbie status if I did,) and I parked in the student zone with my new permit in a lot that is more than freezing away from my destination. Ah, isn’t college grand? No, really, it was a very good week, and I am going to tell you all about it.

In order for me to give you a glimpse at my first week, we are going to play a little game of The Bachelor: Back to School Edition.

Now for those of you who do not watch that dreadfully addicting sort of television, let me give you a little background on what happens in the first episode.   The show begins with me:

The eligible, sweet, hopeless leaner, who is just looking for someone to spend the rest of my educational semester with. I am dying to be happy and find that perfect professor. I wait, in the student union, to meet the lovely educators who want to be mine and teach me everything their little minds have to offer through compassion and textbook readings.

In each class I meet a contestant and they try to make a first impression on me. See, at the end of the week (today) I give out the “first impression rose” to the professor I want to really learn more in their class with. It is critical to get a rose on the first night, or else I will drop the class and that professor has to make the walk of shame and cry in front of a camera. It is a dramatic experience and I have to make a very difficult decision. But before that happens, let’s meet the educators: 

First is Norman Elliot from Intro to Interpersonal Communication.

This may not be an actual picture of Norm, but he sure does look like him (with a little extra pounds. making his sweater stretch and his buttons weaken) Norm is a funny, video clip, open guy who is always willing to communicate his emotions and tell you what they mean.

Next to walk in the union is Mister Foundations of Business, Richard Dunie.

Richard likes to teach classes that have an eighty boy to ten girl ratio. He also likes pointing out that old Dickenson does not think that Harry Potter is educational reading. His downfall is his lack of knowledge of how to set up a computer to the projector.

Coming from the building of BEH is the discussion leader for Analysis of Argument, Maurianna Shelbourn.

Mauri may just be an aid, but with her wild red locks (not demonstrated in the photograph because that is really not her) and the piercing that looks out of place on her left eye brow, we know that she will keep it awkward and go “beyond the textbook.”

Stopping by during my lunchtime is Argument Analyzer, Michael Middleton.

This guy is younger than the picture shows because the picture is actually a visual representation of his non-related name twin, the father of the new young bride of England. He is excited about his job and likes to roam around the auditorium while teaching.

Late night movie geek, Chris Lippard with Intro to Film comes with not only a scarf but also an English accent:

He may teach a four hour class that ends at ten, but his movie choice is wide and entertaining. It includes everything from Citizen Kane to The Big Lebowski. He does not like to sit on tables because they are not chairs.

And last, but not least is Natalie Nyman, the discussion cow girl of Intro to Interpersonal:

She may look like Dj Tanner from full house, but this girl has a ring on her left finger and love for asking what your favorite food is. She also is an early riser and when she has nothing to say, she lets you go early. What a gal! (Please note the picture is really Dj Tanner and not Natalie.)

Now that we have met our educators, it is time for me to get to know them through their classes. And YOU, as a reading audience, get to read the inside scoops. We begin on a Monday. . .

My first class of the college experience was Intro to Interpersonal. This class is all about the communication between people and what it all means. I walked out realizing that every person we meet we form a relationship with, weather it be long lasting or short lived.

That evening I went to Business Foundations. It was here that Channing Tatum’s look a like sat three chairs away from me (that is why is picture is included in the cast shot shown earlier.) I even made a friend in this class, her name is Crystal (I think) and she wants me to take photographs of her babies at a cheap price. Oh, the class is about the foundations of business and we learned about Christopher Columbus and his “native employees.”

Tuesday, the only class I got to spend time in was with Suzy Q (aka Maurianna.) This class was kind of pointless because it was the discussion class to a class that I had yet to attend. The people with me included professional glass blowers and a girl who looked sweet but actually likes to hunt and kill deer.

Wednesday I had a second chance to get to know the Interpersonal educator. It was nice to get some more time before this final decision.

On Thursday, I was taught about arguments and how to analyze them. The most surprising thing about this class so far is that I actually know someone in it! Madi answered a question and all though she was sitting behind me, I knew it was her voice.

That night, I watched Citizen Kane in my Intro to Film class where I was encouraged not to take any notes because he will give us the notes already typed up.

And today, my final class of the week was getting to know Natalie for Intro to Interpersonal.  All we did was some slight awkward introductions and were released thirty minutes early. I could not believe that I woke up early, took a shower, and got presentable, ran to class in the cold, and then sat there for twenty minutes only to be told we could leave cause there was nothing else to say.

After meeting each professor, I sat down in my kitchen, all alone, eating wheat thins, and made a critical decision.

Tonight, I give the first impression rose to Chris Lippard with Intro to Film. He was enthusiastic and funny and I cannot wait to spend the rest of the semester with him.

Chris, will you accept this rose?

xoxo

This is for all the free sample eaters at Costco.

Do you really need to stand in line for twenty minutes to get a sample from a greasy old guy who probably didn't wash his hands after his last bathroom break???

I went shopping at Costco this weekend and was completely appalled by the herds of human flesh waiting in line, impatiently for a chip.

One chip.

Or a piece of ground up beef that was once frozen and just came out of the microwave. 

Or even a teaspoon of orange juice that has less real fruit in it than a beer does. 

Bringing your family with you to the sample table isn't a bonding moment folks.

Get that into your sample sized mind. 

People walk up to the table and park their big ass carts in the isles so i can't get to the frozen pizza section. Put your cart out of everyone's way, get your sample, and MOVE ON! Do not just stand there acting like you are going to buy it, chatting with the poor sales rep, asking them all these stupid stupid questions that you know can be answered if you just read the damn box, because we all know you just wanted a free bite. 

Do not even get me started on the greedy samplers. One sample is enough folks. If you like it so much, buy the product. If you are so freaking hungry go buy yourself a greasy hotdog/churro/chicken baked something from the food court as you are exiting out of the store and getting out of my way.

thank you.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

I finished the novel "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky, today and it has easily become one of my favorites.  (Yes, the title is from this story. Yes I know I am supposed to put quotation marks around it or else it is called plagiarism.. but it looks funny and presentation is everything. So get over it.) For those who have not read this amazing tale of fiction, I suggest going to the local library and borrowing it. And if you can/ wish- you may go to the book store and actually purchase it. (If you are like me.. I like to write in and highlight my books. I do not know why.) Every page was a new surprise. The story had me afraid, nervous, happy, laughing, crying, hoping, dreaming, wondering, and never gaining boredom from it. 

About the Book: 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to receive letters from someone you've never met? In the novel, Charlie, a 14 year old boy- just entering high school, writes to a mystery person about life, love, and all the other things involved with growing up. He stands on the outside of life, making beautiful observations about how life doesn't always make sense. The people surrounding him make many efforts to have him "live his life" rather than sit on the sidelines. These attempts, along with the pains of growing up help Charlie to come to shocking realizations about his past. Stephen Chbosky created an amazingly, amazing, accurate picture of an introverted teenager growing up. Charlie is one of those rare charaters who feels like a friend you never want to lose. This novel paints a beautiful picture that everyone should see. So go read it. 

One of my favorite parts was a poem that Charlie read and shared throughout the novel. 

Here it is: 

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
 he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
 because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
 and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
 and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
 took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
 with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
 and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
 he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
 because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
 and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
 because of its new paint
And the kids told him
 that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
 with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
 when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
 his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
 when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
 he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
 because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
 and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
 because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
 of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
 making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
 or even talked
And the girl around the corner
 wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
 but he kissed her anyway
 because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
 his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
 he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
 and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
 because this time he didn't think
 he could reach the kitchen.

"It's kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. 

And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. 

Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. 

It just happens very fast, and things start to slip away. 

And I just open my eyes, and 

I see nothing. 

And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, 

but I can't. 

It doesn't happen all the time, 

but when it does, 

it scares me." 

- Charlie, The Perk of Being A Wallflower