School is about to start in a week or so and Im not sure if i want to go back. I have my new classes and Im so excited for photography and drama. I am a little nervous to be in Mrs. Story's AP Biology. She didnt think I should be in that class, and I HAVE to prove to her that I can do it. I can pass it. I will study so hard that you wouldn't believe. I dont want to have the year come to a end and see her saying silently "I told you so" I need to succeed. I want to be able to come out of French 2 knowing more that "I am sleepy." I want to walk into drama this year with full determination to not let Erica's comments make me feel down about my self. No she wont get to me. I know she has a very beautiful voice and she is very talented. Its her gift. That doesnt mean I cant try a little or have fun while making a complete fool out of myself. Before it scared me, the comments I would get after my pitiful attempt at Romeo and Juilet or my not fast improv. A cute voice and shy personality will not get you to far. I am going to work harder to make my life matter. So I don't sit in bed at 12 Am and text my best friend saying I want my innocence back cause the she choices made. I want to text her in reply saying, Im living my life and Im happy with it.
But, it just caught up to me that a lot of the people who inspired me and made me smile each and everyday wont be there in the halls anymore. Its weird to think they have graduated and I am not to far behind. I don't want to face to reality. Just not yet at least. I want to go to the first day of school and have Morgan hand me a note, folded in her creative way, that i never mastered how to fold. I want Max to smile and wave awkwardly at me while asking how I was doing in front of all my friends, making me feel like the coolest girl. I want to hold Kramer's hand in the opening circle and hear his speeches of how wonderful the show will be. I want Kevin to say Hi in the hall every time i pass him. I want Samir and Shippy in my drama class goofing off and telling stories. I want Sam to not talk to me cause he thinks I had a long conversation with him through honesty box, when really it wasn't me. I want Jillian in my dance class. Oh I just didn't want anything to change and I didn't realize that it did until now. Funny how thinking at 2:00 Am can rearrange your thoughts.
Silly as it may sound. I really wish you were going to school with me again, like back in 1st grade. Where we didn't have a care in the world. And the hardest part of school was coloring inside the lines.
Heres to my school year, and to those who will be having a much bigger adventure. I miss you already.
2 comments:
Hi!
Ya know, college starts in 6 days, and I'm gonna be honest, I'm scared to death. I keep driving by the school and seeing signs for the football game this friday and I feel so nostalgic. Now the football games for my school will be held in a stadium with not hundreds, but tens of thousands of screaming fans. College is gonna be new and exciting, but its on such a grander scale than high school. I guess what I'm trying to get at was I'm leaving the comfort zone that I'd created for myself during the four years I spent at east. That part about you missing my speeches and wanting to hold my hand during the opening circle again brought tears to my eyes, no joke. I'm going to really really miss the theater department this year, but it'll be nice to finally be on the outside and watch you guys grow. I'll be sure to come and visit you all, probably a lot sooner than you think. You're an awesome girl Audrey, and the way you wrote this blog really brought up these emotions in me. I love love love you and your adorable self!
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