Im still alive.

I want to move away. I want to be the new kid on the block. I want to leave and start over in a total different school and a whole different city. I want an adventure.

I have always wanted to be the new student. Walking into a school not knowing where you are and where you are going. Coming to the school in the middle of the year, when everyone has already made their cliques. I want a best friend that is a boy- not a boy friend, but a friend that is a guy. Just like in the movies. I want to change my image to be more like the person I want to be. The person I am trying to be here, but cant because of what my past has written out for me. I never made it into the popular group. I have become friends with people I feel are just acting to be my friend. I don't have a best friend to call every night. I don't have a boy to giggle about. I want to go to a new school where no one knows me. And I don't know anyone. I want to be lost and then found. I want to change. I want an adventure farther than the occasional vacation. I want to start from scratch.

I want, I want, but it wont happen. I'm going to go to school tomorrow and sit quietly in biology dreaming that I only knew someone. I will go to lunch and sit with the people I always do, waiting for someone to even acknowledge that I exist. I feel like I have dug myself in a whole by growing up with all these kids. They just know me as the quiet one who is nice to everyone.

I want to change how i look. How I feel. i want a flat stomach and thin face. I want my hair to be silky smooth and look cute and fun. I want my true personality to shine through my clothing style and not what is just "cool" with everyone else. I plan on doing this. . . . . .

I want to be asked to a school dance. I hate living in a state where no freshman or sophomores goes the dances. Its only my dream to be asked by a cute sweet guy and have so much fun. But I have a feeling that there is a slim chance that I will ever be asked to a dance.

This blog was not a pity rant. I wrote about how I am feeling and what I am planning to do about it. I don't want a whole bunch of comments telling me I will be asked to a dance or I do have friends. I want a comment that will actually mean something to me.

Thanks for listening.