call it A.D.D but I call it lack of motivation.

My hiatus from writing was not because I did not have anything to say. Due to the redesign of my template for this blog, I could not find out how to re login. A pathetic blonde moment mixed with my inability to understand technology for more than a few minutes. Call it A.D.D but I call it lack of motivation.

I started my job. With burned fingertips, sweat, and hair sprayed bangs, I have been doing my job as breakfast waitress. Good news is that they have not fired me yet, bad news is that I am not very good at this whole get up every morning and go to work like normal people who want an income. I ride the train downtown each morning before the sun winks behind the mountains. Dressed in a men’s shirt, fish tie, and a black vest, I report for duty. Only one piece of toast has been dropped in the two weeks I have been considered an employee. I have yet to be asked for my number, but I hope my movie moment will appear one day.

The air is incredibly dry today. Gaping like fish without water I sweat and watch as my eyeliner makes it way from my eyes down my cheek. 

won’t find your spirit In a lost and found

I have been in a bit (that is kind of an understatement because it depends on what time of day it is really.) of a funk lately. Since Thursday last week i have wanted to cry- for no reason. I feel depressed and I shouldn't because i have more than anyone could ask for. I cant cheer myself up. When i am by myself i feel completely alone and I need to be with someone, but when i am with people i want to be alone. I hear people talking to me, but it doesnt feel like i am really there. I am physically, but not mentally. I may be going on about nothing and complaining and this is one of those posts you just skip by- but writing makes me feel better. (I lied. But it is nice to just rant sometimes is it not?)

 I think i need to be kissed. In movies the girl is always depressed and then this beautiful boy comes and they kiss and magic happens. Its like the film is in black and white and then KISS it is in color. The girl looks overwhelmingly happy. I think that is my problem. I need a Ren from Footloose, or a Johnny from Dirty Dancing, or even  jake Ryan from 16 Candles. Good luck with that right? Seriously.

 I just do not know why i feel this way. I have been eating healthy, i have been exercising to give me endorphins and endorphins are supposed to make you happy so you do not go and shoot your husband (name that movie...) I am living a perfect life. I am just stuck in the phunk and I want to get out.

anyways. Goodnight. xoxo

*Title: Mika "Blue Eyes"