Your voice is a mixture between Fergie and Jesus

Hello.  How are you all doing? I'm alright. In other words- I could be a lot better. It is almost 10:00 on a Saturday night. Here is the update:  

Mood: I feel sick to my stomach and could possibly start crying for no reason. As I am staring at our newly added Christmas decorations I want to feel happy. I want to smile and be in the "holiday" spirit- its just not happening. I feel lonely.  I also don't want to go to school at all on Monday! Gah. I wish the weekend of freedom didn't have to end. Oh well. 

Listening too: "I need some fine wine and you need to be nicer" By: The Cardigans 

Eating: Nothing (which is kind of odd.....I'm always eating!) 

Quote of the moment: "War does not decide who is right... only who is left."- Bumper Sticker on the back of this dudes purple Jeep driving down State Street. 

Just Wondering: Do you ever wonder if the people you thought as friends think of you as a friend back? Right now.. and well.. um.. a lot lately.. I have been wondering that. I don't want to sound stuck up or what not but I honestly think  most of my 'friends' don't like me back as much. I mean I feel left out all the time. I wont let this stuff bother me, don't worry. 

Headlines: 

• Thanksgiving was alright. I missed my cousin... (he was in Las Vegas guarding a soccer goal in the Turkey cup or something with a Turkey) The food just didn't seem as wonderful as usual. I felt pretty though (Which I haven't felt for a long time) 
• I saw the movie BOLT yesterday. Talk about adorable. That movie is a must see. I am fifteen and I enjoyed the cute animation characters. Ahh! 
• We went Christmas tree 'shopping' today. Our tree is 8 feet tall and beautiful. My Mother put way to many stands of lights on it that it looks like it is on fire. I LOVE IT. We put the decorations on tomorrow night. Maybe I will put on a picture.

Random Fact: Candles are beautiful. They smell amazing and the glowing of the flame hidden in the middle of a flicker of color, always makes the room feel magical. 

What I WANT most at this very moment: I want to be asked to the school dance. I want to go really bad. I am insane about it. Whenever the door bell rings late at night I have this feeling that when I open the door it would be a creative cheesy way asking me to the dance. My family has just been saying that its just the school I am in and such.. but I know they are just covering up the fact that they know I am not very popular. Anyways. I just want to go to the dance. 

• I would also like it to rain or snow-HARD
• (I would also like to know you Mr. mystery is who wrote on my blog) 

Funny Moment of the Moment: I am watching Spider-Man with my sister. The part w

hen M.J. kissed Spider man upside down. My sweet 12 year old sister just turned to me and said Wouldn't it be weird to kiss upside someone who is upside down? I guess you 

wouldn't have to worry about their nose getting in the way." HA HA I love her! 

That's all! Comment (especially Mystery Boy) 

xoxo- Audrey 

Thanksgiving is a heart warming American tradition commemorating how the Indians helped the pilgrims. And how did we repay them?

Answer: By shipping them off to the shittiest bits of real estate

Thanksgiving is tomorrow! Yay! I love holidays that have good food. Everything needs a food experience (I mean how else am i supposed to remember it?) Thanksgiving is a time that I honestly think about and notice how fortunate I am to have everything that I have.

What I am thankful for:

• My family - I would not be able to survive with out any of my family. All of them. They make me always feel amazing. They make me laugh with their sarcastic humor. My parents are more than I can ask for. My sister is my best friend. I'm also very thankful for my cousin Luke, who has become my adopted brother. I always knows he is there for me. 
• My friends - I  have wonderful friends. I know I don't always see it that way and get really annoyed with them and feel left out often.. but overall they are my friends and I would be lost without them. 
• My home - I am very lucky to have a roof over my head and the nice house that I live in. Its wonderful and something that very few people are fortunate to have. 

That is just a small list. I am so thankful for so much I could go on for hours and hours and you would get bored. So I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! Don't get to fat! 

Xoxo

Im still alive.

I want to move away. I want to be the new kid on the block. I want to leave and start over in a total different school and a whole different city. I want an adventure.

I have always wanted to be the new student. Walking into a school not knowing where you are and where you are going. Coming to the school in the middle of the year, when everyone has already made their cliques. I want a best friend that is a boy- not a boy friend, but a friend that is a guy. Just like in the movies. I want to change my image to be more like the person I want to be. The person I am trying to be here, but cant because of what my past has written out for me. I never made it into the popular group. I have become friends with people I feel are just acting to be my friend. I don't have a best friend to call every night. I don't have a boy to giggle about. I want to go to a new school where no one knows me. And I don't know anyone. I want to be lost and then found. I want to change. I want an adventure farther than the occasional vacation. I want to start from scratch.

I want, I want, but it wont happen. I'm going to go to school tomorrow and sit quietly in biology dreaming that I only knew someone. I will go to lunch and sit with the people I always do, waiting for someone to even acknowledge that I exist. I feel like I have dug myself in a whole by growing up with all these kids. They just know me as the quiet one who is nice to everyone.

I want to change how i look. How I feel. i want a flat stomach and thin face. I want my hair to be silky smooth and look cute and fun. I want my true personality to shine through my clothing style and not what is just "cool" with everyone else. I plan on doing this. . . . . .

I want to be asked to a school dance. I hate living in a state where no freshman or sophomores goes the dances. Its only my dream to be asked by a cute sweet guy and have so much fun. But I have a feeling that there is a slim chance that I will ever be asked to a dance.

This blog was not a pity rant. I wrote about how I am feeling and what I am planning to do about it. I don't want a whole bunch of comments telling me I will be asked to a dance or I do have friends. I want a comment that will actually mean something to me.

Thanks for listening.