Nothing like a toned graphic designer if you ask me.

My room would not look nearly as beautiful if I did not have the help of my Mother, Father, and Sister. Thank you so much.

This is a doorway view of my desk, in the corner. It is an easel desk, adjustable for any angle. I also have a work lamp that is all artsy and cool. 

This is my close up light from China Town. So beautiful. 

My magnetic hanging picture strings. 

My already crowded wire basket holder of everything school and non school related. 

My bed is the bottom bunk. 

And most importantly, this is my window outside of my desk. Here is where I can see the streets below, the Metropolitan Women's Club straight across the street, and my fire escape. 

I am not allowed to go out there, but i love the idea of having one. Isn't it beautiful?

And that is my part of the dorm! 

Today was orientation. This being my third freshman orientation in the passed year, I will have to say that it was the best. Seriously very inspiring and I feel excited to start classes. Also incredibly nervous because every single one of the people who held a mic today said it would be hard and by the eighth week everyone starts to crumble. But do you know what I say to that? GAME ON. Let's do this. 

I had dinner with my lovely friend Leeza tonight and it was fun to connect with her now that we are living in the same city. 

The whole bonding with the roommates is still rocky. It is hard being the girl who came into the group a week late. Oh well. 

Tomorrow is my last day of "freedom." There is a kick off soccer game to start the season tomorrow night, which I plan to attend. I have already seen the entire soccer team and I can tell you right now that soccer is my new favorite sport. Oh goodness those are some good looking men. Mmmhmmm. And they are  artists! WIN WIN. "Be artist. Be athlete." - I am starting to like this saying more and more each day. Nothing like a toned graphic designer if you ask me. 

Anyways, I hope you have a great night. xoxo 

Carpe Diem.

This is one of those coming to age posts. I know that most of you will leave at this point because you were hoping for more naked men - I understand and respect that.

Lives are like novels. As cliché as it may sound, we spend each day writing a chapter. In each chapter we introduce new characters, dive deeper into others, take adventures, or just keep traveling on the same path. In Mrs. Funston’s freshman English class, I learned that the climax of a story is when something happens in the plot that changes it so dramatically that you know nothing will be the same after. In other words, everything will be different.

 In life stories, I don’t think the climax is one certain event. It may be in yours, but not in mine. In my life, my climax is a series of events. I think the climax of my life, so far, was this last year. I learned so much about myself, I grew up, I took chances, I felt risks, and I accepted consequences – good and bad.

Before I moved to Italy I had never been on my own. I had not been to camp and I rarely had sleep overs, always making up excuses on why I could only have a late over or calling my mom in the middle of the night to pick me up. I had gone on the skateboarding tour for months away from home, but I always had (at least) my Father present. I graduated from high school and leaped into a surreal experience. I went from always holding my family’s hands, to flying my way to a foreign country where I did not know anyone, the language, where to go, or what to expect. I was pushed out of my comfort zone. I was scarred, but never did I ever regret doing it. Italy changed my life. Of course the culture and aspects of a foreign country were striking and eye opening, but suddenly I was forced to make decisions between good or bad, motivate myself to succeed at school, fix my own meals, and wash my own clothes. It sounds silly, but I was forced to grow up. Forced to experience. Forced to find out who I really was. In Italy I realized what mattered, what made me who I was, what I wanted to be, and how lucky I am.

 

This summer I discovered a lot about myself. I took my mindset from Italy and become conscious of where I stood. I had my first real job - and Market Street will never be the same. I made new friends and created stronger friendships with the old. I also lost a few. I gained confidence as I stood up for myself. In my favorite book The Perks for Being a Wallflower, Charlie says, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” I finally learned what that meant, that I deserve the world and not to let people pull me down or make me think otherwise. I realized who made me feel good about myself, who I could be myself around, who I could trust - and who didn’t/couldn’t.

In Love is a Mixtape, Rob Sheffield wrote “She worried way too much what people thought of her, wore her heart on her sleeve, expected too much from people, and got hurt too easily. She kept other people's secrets like a champ, but told her own too fast. She expected the world not to cheat her and was always surprised when it did.” It was on page thirty-one that it dawned on me that this is exactly who I was.

Now look at me.

(please note that the stress from packing did not result in alcoholism.) 

 Ha. But really. Tomorrow I leave to San Francisco to study at the Academy of Art University.

When you are little you talk about what you want to do when you grow up. You draw pictures of your dream room in notebooks, you plan your prom dress, go from wanting to be a princess, to Hannah Montana, to a teacher. Then one day, you realize that you REALLY can become anything you want. I cannot tell you the exact day I figured out that I could be a photographer as a career, but I can tell you that once the seed was planted in my head I could not stop feeding it nourishment. I kept telling myself the negatives: the lack of pay, the uncertainty, what will people think of you choosing art as a job? Will they think you took the easy way out? All of those are still in the soil of my ambition, but they are pushing me harder. Prove them wrong. Be happy every time you go to work. Put your best out there. Make someone notice. That small seed that once sat in the back of my mind is now a tangled vine, large and ever growing. Consuming.

Some gardens grow forever without being taken care of. I sit here saying that I am so fortunate to have the full support of my family to chase this crazy dream of mine. I hear the stories from people who graduated from high school with me about how they went to college because that is just what is expected of them, status quo, what else would they do? My parents sat me down when I graduated and told me to enjoy it. They believe that education is important, but take my time. If I don’t go to school right away, that is fine, but make sure that whatever I am doing, I am doing with my whole heart and taking advantage of every day. How many people can say that their parents want them to be nothing but happy? My Mother comes from a family where the in state University was the only choice and if she wanted to go, she was going to pay for it. My Father moved across the country because he wanted to ski and Utah had better slopes then Michigan. Two completely different outlooks, backgrounds, and stories – but they both agree on doing whatever they can to make sure my life is perfect. I could not be anymore grateful for what they have done. My parents have (and constantly continue) to support me finically, emotionally, and confidently. Here is a shout out, because I could never thank them enough for everything they do for me. I want to be them when I grow up. 

Thank you for the constant support, love, friendship, and help from my family and friends. You are the true reason that I have the opportunities I do in life.

San Francisco: I hope you are ready.

Here is to this crazy thing called life and how addictive it is to live it with arms wide open, Carpe Diem. 

favorite postion is:

After a deep, almost comatose, power nap, my Mother surprised me with a beautiful meal of pasties (like gourmet hot pockets) and rocket salad. The meal was inspired by the U.K. See, in my family, we have been having a meal from a different country participating in the Olympics every night for dinner. Last night I made Middle Eastern food, Gabrielle made French previous, and so on. Aren’t we cute? But really, it has been a lot of fun to learn about the different cultures through food. But it also has been really fun to learn about the different countries through men.

With that said, let me introduce you to Jack Green.

This twenty one year old was born October sixth in Maidstone, Great Britain. He is a tall cutie, standing at six feet four inches.

Jack is apart of the Great Britain track team. When looking up his biography on Google, one of the stats about him was titled “Favorite Position” and instantly my mind went to the gutter. After I read below this forward sub heading I soon realized that the British author who wrote the bio was not giving me Mr. Green’s favorite positions... in bed... but rather his position on the team. His favorite position is hurdles. (“Oh, I have never heard of that one before!” – said me secretly.)

In the semi finals of his event this year, he fell. Rather, he tripped hard core over the hurdle. This was disappointing that I chose a loser for this post, but upon Googling (is it grammatically correct to remove the “e” with adding “ing” when referring to Google) images of him I realized that although he did not succeed in his Olympic sport, he is a BIG WINNER in hotness. 

This is a photo of Jack picking up his stumbled over hurdle. Look at that man butt. Mmhmm. If we got to look at this shot every time he fell, I would never want him to do well. 

Now Verbaledudette tries to stay at a PG-13 appropriate level when dealing with language, subject matter, and of course photographs. 

BUT i found something I just had to share.

 A photographer for GQ Magazine photographed five British Olympic Athletes naked. Lucky for us, Jack Green was one of them. 

You are so more than welcome. 

 Cheers! 

the first impression rose

Happy Friday the thirteenth and here is a toast to the weekend that is about to come. Also, let’s open that figurative keg and poor me a figurative glass of beer in celebration to the finishing of my first week at a real university. Yahoo, I cannot believe I made it. I met a lot of new people, no that is a lie, I SAW a lot of new people this week, got lost more than once and did not ask for directions or look at a map (which would advertise my newbie status if I did,) and I parked in the student zone with my new permit in a lot that is more than freezing away from my destination. Ah, isn’t college grand? No, really, it was a very good week, and I am going to tell you all about it.

In order for me to give you a glimpse at my first week, we are going to play a little game of The Bachelor: Back to School Edition.

Now for those of you who do not watch that dreadfully addicting sort of television, let me give you a little background on what happens in the first episode.   The show begins with me:

The eligible, sweet, hopeless leaner, who is just looking for someone to spend the rest of my educational semester with. I am dying to be happy and find that perfect professor. I wait, in the student union, to meet the lovely educators who want to be mine and teach me everything their little minds have to offer through compassion and textbook readings.

In each class I meet a contestant and they try to make a first impression on me. See, at the end of the week (today) I give out the “first impression rose” to the professor I want to really learn more in their class with. It is critical to get a rose on the first night, or else I will drop the class and that professor has to make the walk of shame and cry in front of a camera. It is a dramatic experience and I have to make a very difficult decision. But before that happens, let’s meet the educators: 

First is Norman Elliot from Intro to Interpersonal Communication.

This may not be an actual picture of Norm, but he sure does look like him (with a little extra pounds. making his sweater stretch and his buttons weaken) Norm is a funny, video clip, open guy who is always willing to communicate his emotions and tell you what they mean.

Next to walk in the union is Mister Foundations of Business, Richard Dunie.

Richard likes to teach classes that have an eighty boy to ten girl ratio. He also likes pointing out that old Dickenson does not think that Harry Potter is educational reading. His downfall is his lack of knowledge of how to set up a computer to the projector.

Coming from the building of BEH is the discussion leader for Analysis of Argument, Maurianna Shelbourn.

Mauri may just be an aid, but with her wild red locks (not demonstrated in the photograph because that is really not her) and the piercing that looks out of place on her left eye brow, we know that she will keep it awkward and go “beyond the textbook.”

Stopping by during my lunchtime is Argument Analyzer, Michael Middleton.

This guy is younger than the picture shows because the picture is actually a visual representation of his non-related name twin, the father of the new young bride of England. He is excited about his job and likes to roam around the auditorium while teaching.

Late night movie geek, Chris Lippard with Intro to Film comes with not only a scarf but also an English accent:

He may teach a four hour class that ends at ten, but his movie choice is wide and entertaining. It includes everything from Citizen Kane to The Big Lebowski. He does not like to sit on tables because they are not chairs.

And last, but not least is Natalie Nyman, the discussion cow girl of Intro to Interpersonal:

She may look like Dj Tanner from full house, but this girl has a ring on her left finger and love for asking what your favorite food is. She also is an early riser and when she has nothing to say, she lets you go early. What a gal! (Please note the picture is really Dj Tanner and not Natalie.)

Now that we have met our educators, it is time for me to get to know them through their classes. And YOU, as a reading audience, get to read the inside scoops. We begin on a Monday. . .

My first class of the college experience was Intro to Interpersonal. This class is all about the communication between people and what it all means. I walked out realizing that every person we meet we form a relationship with, weather it be long lasting or short lived.

That evening I went to Business Foundations. It was here that Channing Tatum’s look a like sat three chairs away from me (that is why is picture is included in the cast shot shown earlier.) I even made a friend in this class, her name is Crystal (I think) and she wants me to take photographs of her babies at a cheap price. Oh, the class is about the foundations of business and we learned about Christopher Columbus and his “native employees.”

Tuesday, the only class I got to spend time in was with Suzy Q (aka Maurianna.) This class was kind of pointless because it was the discussion class to a class that I had yet to attend. The people with me included professional glass blowers and a girl who looked sweet but actually likes to hunt and kill deer.

Wednesday I had a second chance to get to know the Interpersonal educator. It was nice to get some more time before this final decision.

On Thursday, I was taught about arguments and how to analyze them. The most surprising thing about this class so far is that I actually know someone in it! Madi answered a question and all though she was sitting behind me, I knew it was her voice.

That night, I watched Citizen Kane in my Intro to Film class where I was encouraged not to take any notes because he will give us the notes already typed up.

And today, my final class of the week was getting to know Natalie for Intro to Interpersonal.  All we did was some slight awkward introductions and were released thirty minutes early. I could not believe that I woke up early, took a shower, and got presentable, ran to class in the cold, and then sat there for twenty minutes only to be told we could leave cause there was nothing else to say.

After meeting each professor, I sat down in my kitchen, all alone, eating wheat thins, and made a critical decision.

Tonight, I give the first impression rose to Chris Lippard with Intro to Film. He was enthusiastic and funny and I cannot wait to spend the rest of the semester with him.

Chris, will you accept this rose?

xoxo

Happy Late Thanksgiving!

Being in Italy celebrating an only American holiday is quite the sensation. First off, you do not get school off, in fact, you even have an extra class. Thursday we had a rescheduled cinema class in the morning, followed by film photography in the afternoon. Other than not having school off, I actually had to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. The three of us did a splendid job at that. Our menu included frosted tap water and delicious local red wine from our friends around the corner. Then we started off with an appetizer of fresh pink lady apples, swelled with orange juice. The main course included The Rachel-Grandma Shaw famous stuffing, hand mashed with a fork and arm muscles potatoes (by yours truly,) hot rolls, and of course, a turkey breast basted in seasonings, carrots, and mushrooms hand rubbed by Joanna. Dessert included milk from our own personal cartons and (Joanna’s Mom --->) Kathy’s too good to be true fudge sent all the way from Pittsburg. Now although it is nothing to compare to the amazing meal my family makes in the States, BUT considering we all had never really cooked anything like a Thanksgiving dinner, the meal was eaten with a smile and a sigh of content was released after we were induced into a food coma. To finish off the evening, we sat in the living room listening to Shaggy and Italian’s own Lucio Dalla, while yelling with laughter at a three-hour game of Catch Phrase. I even got told a bedtime story before passing out from a wonderful evening.

So here I am, wishing you all a very, Happy Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for my family and friends (who I miss so much,) for the opportunity to live in the most beautiful country, the chance to chase my dreams, and for the best life any one could ask for. I am truly lucky, blessed, and ever so thankful.

Forever and Always. Xoxo Ciao. Ciao.

life’s too short to even care at all.

 Hello from my bed. It may be only 7:00 but I already have my fuzzy socks on and am positioned under the covers. The lights are even off. No, I am not ready for bed; it is just kind of really chilly in this apartment, and I didn’t want to sit in those uncomfortable squeaky chairs in the kitchen. Italians obviously do not believe in decent warming devices in their apartments (probably because they do have a lot more hair on their bodies than other countries… but STILL. I am a hairless American who needs to be warm!) Okay, I am over exaggerating a little bit. Truth is, my bed is comfortable and I like the way the comforter practically glows in the dark because it is so neon yellow.

I apologize for such an awful introduction paragraph. Lets try this again.

Young the Giant’s most recent album is playing through my headphones right now as my feet are cuddling underneath my neon yellow comforter. The only light coming into the room is from the sliding propped open door. This square shadow of light (play on words, eh?) is enough light to frame Rachel’s bed in a halo like fashion. I am wearing my “your blog sucks” tee shirt and feeling really good about life.

Now, wasn’t that better?

Italy was beautiful today. This morning, I woke up with a burst of energy that needed to be set free. I harvested this emotion by going out on an hour long stroll, wandering through streets, kicking leaves up in the small park to the left, and watching old men row boats down the Arno river. It was truly refreshing.

I simply love this city. Walking home from school after class today, I really tried to soak in everything I passed. I have become so accustom to the route from casa mia (my house) to the school, that I sometimes take for granted how magical Firenze is. For example, as I was walking I breathed in deeply (with my new nose!!) the smells of home cooking, cigars, and that certain Italian city smell (no, not the pee and beer smell thank you, there is another one that I cannot put a name to.) I was walking down the little side street and I noticed the steam coming out of what looked like an air vent for one of the walled apartments. The way it swirled up and dispensed into the cold air as thick white petals was entrancing. I still smile at the lines of clothes that hang out of windows, even though it is a common sight in my days here. Now that I have lived her for so long, I can look passed the tourist monuments and really fall in love with the sweet subtitles.

I have begun to develop the feeling that every city is like this. Salt Lake City is just as beautiful as here, but I do not take the time to notice its details because I realize that I have taken it for granted. You never know what you have until it’s gone right?

Italian language is one of my least favorite classes because I hate being put on the spot and failing miserably when I am. BUT on the plus side, I love the challenge of trying to learn this new, beautiful, language. I want to learn! Oh goodness, my life is so hard. Just kidding. : ) Italian class was alright today. My fingertips were really cold. I have mentioned my pronunciation/spelling problem before, well now in class it is kind of a joke. For example, we were changing verbs from present to past tense, and Joanna chose my word to be the hardest one in the whole wide world (not really) to pronounce just because we all know how I st st stutter. I cannot remember it now and cant look it up in my notes cause I left my notebook at school, but know that it was hilariously hard (for me.) Oh well. Italian class is one of those classes that you dread going to, but once you are there you are fine, and everyone leaves laughing. Nicola may be an awful teacher, but he quite the character. 

This has nothing to do with anything, but it made me laugh. I thought you would need a little giggle on your Monday. 

Thanksgiving is obviously not celebrated here (if you do not know why… you have some serious problems that you need to figure out before reading any further. Google it.) Despite the country we are living in, Joanna, Rachel and I have decided to make a feast. We made a list of items we like to eat and divided them up between the three of us. I am in charge of a fruit and mashed potatoes. I am thinking maybe doing my family’s favorite apples in orange juice mixture and maybe some pomegranates.

Grandma, when Michael reads this to you, please know that I will not do your mashed potatoes justice and I am sending up my white flag. There is no competition; you have already won. Hopefully I will come in at least a close fifth place on the “good mashed potatoes” list. It cannot be very hard right? I mean I do not have a blender or anything... Is it unsanitary to use a rock? (I am only joking Rachel & Joanna; you honestly do not need to worry about if there are going to be dirt and other earthy materials in your buttery potatoes.) 

All I can say is thank goodness I am not in charge of the turkey.

Music Monday Update: Check out the song “Hotel Song” by Regina Spektor. It is a current love of mine.

I finished Like Water for Chocolate. Please read it. I had chills of wonderful emotion through out the entire thing. It is an easy, magical, read. (Please note that the picture to the right is not the real cover of the book, but an illustration someone did. I found it on google and liked it. That is all. ) 

Also, in the news of the social networking, I think you will find great pleasure in the new follower my twitter account has gained. “Titsoffire” has indeed started to follow my unwitty, too quotey, status update, tweet feed. I feel honored, really. Not many people can say that someone with such a great name is one of their 92 followers. 

My final statement deals with a lot of exclamation marks. Prepare yourself:

MY BEASTIE BECCA IS COMING TO VISIT ME OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for reading! Ciao. Xoxo

*title: “Cough Syrup” by Young the Giant

"we make decisions in three dimensions."

*The title of this post comes from a school's website that I just stumbled on while accidentally Googling the wrong name. I found it entertaining. 

I have stared at this bright screen for the last five minutes trying to think of something witty to write. Most people would quit and call this writers block. They would walk away and eat something in hopes of it inspiring them, but I am not hungry and I really want to write. The only thing I can think of telling you right now is how much I love the band “The XX” because their songs are playing and engulfing me within their lyrics like a baby swaddled in a blanket.

I mentioned earlier of a press conference I was asked to photograph because I am in charge of documenting photographically the art show, in celebration of Giorgio Vasari’s five hundredth birthday that is taking place at my school this Saturday. (I think I have failed to tell you that I am studying in his studio. His frescos are where I learn Italian. It is just another reason why I am so lucky.) The press conference was held in the city council building about a five-minute walk from my school (honestly, everything is only a five minute walk away.) I was introduced to a few of the artists that have pieces in the exhibition. They looked like they should be Italian artists with their squinty eyes and crazy hair. All of them had charismatic smiles and I am excited to see what each one is capable of artistically. The four of them, including Melania who is not only an art professor at my school but the curator of the event, sat in front of rows and rows of interested journalists. It was evident that I was the only photographer because I was the only one who was not seated and the sound of my camera’s shutter echoed around the high-rise ceilings. I could not understand a word said, but facial expressions spoke clearly as excited but nervous hand gestures guided a stroll through their own artistic biographies and reasoning for their involvement in the show. I took a total of two hundred and fifty photographs in a forty-five minute period. No one was surprised. All in all, my images turned out well and I am now in anticipation for the big night on Saturday where I get to dress up and am in charge of “capturing the moment” all night (no pressure.) 

These are some images from the event. 

This is Charles (my photography teacher, also he is married to Melania.) It was funny because he stopped to tie his shoe on the way over. I asked if I needed to document this and if it was part of the show. He said yes, joking, but of course I took a photograph. Then we get inside the building and he points to this poster. I ask if I need to take a photo of this. He says yes and then poses. Oh Charles. 

The beautiful, flawless, Melania getting interviewed. 

The book this man is looking at is what Melania put together for the show. It is quite adorable and is on sell for ten euros. I am really thinking about purchasing one for memories and to show off in Salt Lake.  This is also my favorite shot of the day. 

This is Nicola, my Italian teacher. He came to the event to support, but also his father is some amazing artist. 

Overal shot of the room. Notice the balding heads of all the men. Those Italians have hair everywhere but their heads, obviously. 

Again, Melania looking dazzling and puzzled in the sunshine. 

Italian was freezing yesterday which made it a little bit of a challenge to pay attention. I never told you this, but we learned the alphabet last week. It was strange because the Italian’s do not have five letters that we use commonly in English. This wasn’t apparent to me until we asked how to say each letter. Now I want to teach you. Here is your Italian lesson of the day: L’alfabeto

A (aw)

B (bee)

C (chee)

D (dee)

E (eh)

F (effay)

G (gee)

H (aka)

I (ee)

L (ellay)

M (emay)

N (enay)

O (oh)

P (pee)

Q (koo)

R (array)

S (essay)

T (tee)

V (voo)

Z (zeta)

Obviously the words in the (parenthesis) are how you pronounce them. Interesting, eh? I find it strange how they just neglect a few letters. It makes sense why Italian’s cannot spell my name correctly, because there is no Y!

Last night Joanna left to meet Ricardo and she sprayed something near me so much that I could taste it in my mouth. (Is this how my family feels when I spray my “sexual almond” spray?) Rachel went to the library and I had the entire apartment to myself. It is times like those where I get lonely, but it is nice because I can play whatever music I want and read in pure quietness. Speaking of reading, I finished reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower for the fourth time yesterday. I love that book so much that I do not mind reading it over and over again. It is one of those that you can relate to in some way or another and makes you think about your first few high school years. I know I just graduated, but freshman year seems like it happened forever ago. I have begun to read Lunar Park by my favorite author Brett Easton Ellis. I cannot tell if it is a biography or part fiction. So far he has been talking about how he started his claim to fame and also his introduction to seductive life of the real “brat pack.” His writing is so addictive to me that I had a hard time putting it down.

Also last night, around nine o clock, I did not feel good at all. My head felt kind of a balloon and my stomach was dancing around inside of me. Rachel made me some English something tea that kind of helped, but not enough to make me feel like doing anything. I went to bed at nine and fell instantly asleep listening to the entire Florence and the Machine’s “Between Two Lungs” album. Today I did not wake up until nine thirty. Twelve hours of sleep and feel great! I ate a banana for breakfast along with a nice cold glass of water. Sometimes I think I just get to caught up in the moment of being here and do not let myself rest!

It is raining pretty hard today. Walking to school, I slipped on a cobblestone and almost fell. Luckily I pulled out of near disaster with a graceful bend of the knee. The city is darker, covered in a grey blanket, but is still glowing. The lights are fogged creating a ominous atmosphere. In the studio, where I am sitting now, the ceiling is made of glass. This amplifies the sound of the rain while you watch the drops splatter on it. I have a slight chill because my shoes are wet.

I discovered today that all those photographs taken on my pinhole camera did not work because the film never rolled. I have to shoot it all again. But that is okay.

Well I talked you ear off long enough, I am going to go get a sandwich from Pino’s because I deserve it for being such a nice person. Why am I a nice person? Well today I smiled at everyone I saw and picked up some woman’s scarf and returned it to her as she was walking away. I think that deserves a panini. I hope you are having a great day.  : ) I really do. 

xoxo

Ciao Ciao. 

lying wide awake in the garden trying to get over your stardom

Have you tried going school shopping yet? It is absolutely impossible. Tonight I aerobic shopped throughout the entire Gateway mall and could not find one damn thing except for a purple water bottle. (I had to get a new one because I had this nice pink one that had stickers on it and was so perfect- but then i put it in the freezer and bottle exploded on me!) It was slightly very depressing to walk into a complete crowded store and walk out feeling like you are the only one who didn't see something to buy and are now officially empty handed except for a water bottle from Dicks (awful name.) And all i wanted to buy was one or two outfits for the first days of school and/or for the She and Him concert on thursday (I want to look extra cute for some reason) 

Next subject to discuss: I can not seem to fall asleep at all the past month. I lay in bed and think of everything and anything and everyone and their dog. It is awful. I tried counting sheep, i tried thinking of sleep- but nothing works. Once i fall asleep i am fine, but that does not happen until three am. 

Okay I am about to do a lame girly thing but i need to for the betterness of my own soul. (that sounded lame) I like this guy. Actually i never stopped liking him since i met him freshman year, but he is older and there is no way he would like me back right? Right- but i cant give up the dream of him liking me back. Anyway. I thought we kind of had something going- at least good friends. We would text constantly and he would say things that made me sure that he was falling madly in love with me, but i guess i misunderstood or was just blinded by his beauty and charm because I think he introduced me to his girlfriend the other night. Kind of really depressing huh? I cant stop thinking about him though.. like i just want him to text me or call me and tell me that the sunset looks beautiful like it used to. I guess i am just dreamer. 

On another sad topic, school starts on wednesday. Senior year. I know i should be excited but i am not. I am actually stressing this whole college thing. I don't know what to do, or how to write a personal statement or what that even is. I don't know how to sell myself (because clearly i cant get a guy to like me back since freshman year.) How do i know what to do? I want to grow up and go to college but i want someone to fill out the forms and get me to where i want to go. Pathetic eh? 

Well goodnight. : ) xoxo