lying wide awake in the garden trying to get over your stardom

Have you tried going school shopping yet? It is absolutely impossible. Tonight I aerobic shopped throughout the entire Gateway mall and could not find one damn thing except for a purple water bottle. (I had to get a new one because I had this nice pink one that had stickers on it and was so perfect- but then i put it in the freezer and bottle exploded on me!) It was slightly very depressing to walk into a complete crowded store and walk out feeling like you are the only one who didn't see something to buy and are now officially empty handed except for a water bottle from Dicks (awful name.) And all i wanted to buy was one or two outfits for the first days of school and/or for the She and Him concert on thursday (I want to look extra cute for some reason) 

Next subject to discuss: I can not seem to fall asleep at all the past month. I lay in bed and think of everything and anything and everyone and their dog. It is awful. I tried counting sheep, i tried thinking of sleep- but nothing works. Once i fall asleep i am fine, but that does not happen until three am. 

Okay I am about to do a lame girly thing but i need to for the betterness of my own soul. (that sounded lame) I like this guy. Actually i never stopped liking him since i met him freshman year, but he is older and there is no way he would like me back right? Right- but i cant give up the dream of him liking me back. Anyway. I thought we kind of had something going- at least good friends. We would text constantly and he would say things that made me sure that he was falling madly in love with me, but i guess i misunderstood or was just blinded by his beauty and charm because I think he introduced me to his girlfriend the other night. Kind of really depressing huh? I cant stop thinking about him though.. like i just want him to text me or call me and tell me that the sunset looks beautiful like it used to. I guess i am just dreamer. 

On another sad topic, school starts on wednesday. Senior year. I know i should be excited but i am not. I am actually stressing this whole college thing. I don't know what to do, or how to write a personal statement or what that even is. I don't know how to sell myself (because clearly i cant get a guy to like me back since freshman year.) How do i know what to do? I want to grow up and go to college but i want someone to fill out the forms and get me to where i want to go. Pathetic eh? 

Well goodnight. : ) xoxo