right as rain

I write a lot when it’s raining.

It is just something I do – along with writing in coffee shops, about the coffee shops, while it’s raining.

No, this post is not being written at coffee shop, but it is raining.

So yes, it kind of fits in the theme.

I am sitting in my bed.

For those of you who have just caught on to this sensation, or for those of you who forgot, my bed is located underneath some else (it’s a bunk bed. I’m not literally sleeping underneath someone’s bed) and that bed also occupies a room with three other beds. I am the only one awake, which is a surprise because usually computer screens light up the small corners of the room way passed this hour.

It’s raining outside, rather hard actually. I can tell by the blur of the orange light on the building across the road and can hear the deep sloshing of fast paced vehicles on the busy streets. I wish I could throw all the windows open and write this while sitting in the middle of the room with the only light being the criss cross stripes of light from the windows on the walls.

My roommates do not believe in fresh air.

They also do not believe in opened blinds passed five o clock.

I think I write when it’s raining because the rain makes me nostalgic. It doesn’t make me sad.

 It makes me remember.

Remember the good times, the rough patches, the moments I wouldn’t change anything, the times I wish would have gone differently. This nostalgic feeling makes me feel like I need to share something. I don’t really want to share those memories though. So I come here, to this public domain, and describe in detail the objects around me. (We all remember the coffee garden posts where I pick apart the tastes, the smells, and the sites. Or how about me sitting at the dining room table talking about the lights and how bright they are against my parent’s studious faces.)

Posts like these are not really for you.

They are not informative about my life or the latest tunes those cool kids are listening to these days.

Posts like these are really for me.

They are something that the minute I start to write, usually introducing it with a poorly executed introduction, I cannot stop. My fingers constantly clicking keys, pressing onward quickly, not thinking about what I am going to write next, just writing down the thoughts as they present themselves no matter what shape or form.

My spelling is even more atrocious in these posts than usual. The page of text, first written in Word Document, is lined with red and green squiggles under misspelled words and unorganized thoughts. As my spelling gets worse, my vocabulary heightens and I randomly through in words like “executed” and “atrocious,” These thesauruses like words are often used wrong, kind of like my speech when I am nervous or not thinking before speaking.

It takes longer to spell check the document than to actually write it.

There is no music playing, no headphones on, no bar’s stereo turned up to loudly, but yet a song is tuning through my ears. It’s not a particular artist, chorus or key, but a combination of the rain, the street side laughter, and the quick click of the keys.

I hope my music isn’t disturbing my roommates.

I think this post that was originally brought on by the rain, which brought on the nostalgia, was also brought on by the idea that I will not be home for thanksgiving.

In Italy, I didn’t really notice that I missed it.

Yes, I took in the fact that my entire family was joining together to eat and laugh and unbutton their pants secretly at the table. But I was in a country who didn’t know what the holiday was and the time difference made the at home celebration seem like something that happened while I was sleeping and I just missed it.

That I just didn’t wake up in time.  

Not here. Here I see everything. Plans about where everyone is going and whom they are spending it with. I understand the reasons for me not going home – I don’t have a break from school and it isn’t worth it. But I still feel a bit homesick. I miss the company and warmth my family contributes. Even Skype sometimes can radiate their heat just by seeing their smiles.

Rain is my favorite weather. It is cleansing, simple, illuminating, and crisp. It is new. It is familiar.

I like to write when it’s raining. To me, it is inspiring.

Goodnight/Good Morning.

Have a wonderful Sunday.

I miss you.

Xo 

time is such a hungry beast

title: "waltz for pony" by boy

I write to you frustrated with the current situation my fellow students have present in a college setting. This last week we received an assignment in my Fundamentals of Photography class.

The assignment was simple: photograph a subject (that cannot move or be moved) in different ways, do not edit, change all to black and white, print a contact sheet with twenty of your best images, print one of those images, bring to next class to critique. There were no hidden rules, confusion in the details, or misleading statements. It was crystal clear. Elementary my dear. It was even printed word for word in full paragraphs on a hand out and in our syllabus received on the first day. No surprises.

Today in class, I was one out of five people in a classroom of twenty who did the assignment.

Out of those five people, I was the only one who followed the directions.

I sat there astonished as the excuses poured out of mouths around me.

“I did not understand it”

“I was busy.”

“I could not get my hands on the paper.”

Silently I answered them all in my head.

What did you not understand? If you were confused, you could have either called one of the numbers of the students in the class we exchanged on the first day, or you could have emailed our professor who stressed the importance of not being afraid to use his email and ask questions.

What exactly were you busy with for a whole week that you could not find the time to shoot at least twenty photographs of any object of your choice? I find this hard to believe because as beginners we are all in the same classes. I have the same workload as you. I had time to spare, even after doing homework for our other three classes, and spend a whole day walking from one bridge to the other. Did I mention I also had time to go to the movies?

I will agree, finding the paper was hard, but with an entire week, a cell phone, and Google, you could have found the paper is six different locations just on Main Street alone. If that wasn’t possible or maybe right now you cannot afford it, you could have dug up that contact sheet previously mentioned and asked a classmate where they got their paper or if you could borrow a few sheets. I know I would have said yes. Maybe you were too busy, that’s what happened wasn’t it?

Seriously, ladies?

We are in college. Not only are we in college, we are all adults. Legal adults. Adults who can take care of themselves, who know we have to pull our own weight, adults who can solve a problem when it comes up, an adult who knows what is expected of them and does what is expected.

Every time you show up to class unprepared you are not only throwing more than two hundred dollars out into the crisp wind, but you are wasting your time. Have you ever thought about how your lack of preparation affects my learning? Have you ever thought about how it makes Tim, your educator, feel that you do not take his class seriously or have the respect to follow through on little things he asks? Do you realize these projects and lectures and classes and textbook readings are not punishment or busy work, but actually have meaning that will help you in what is supposed to be your career choice?

I actually feel bad for you.

After brushing fifteen unprepared students to the side, I focused my attention on those who were prepared. They did the assignment; they deserved feedback, respect – just like I expected to receive in return. Critiques are the best way to learn and to grow. I learn from you, you learn from me. That is why I go to onsite classes and do not just sit home online in my pajamas and a bucket of ice cream.

The first to present set up her work. Her prints were in color. Her subject placed in different places around the yard. Her subject was in different positions. The only part that followed the instructions was that she printed out her work. The class responded to the colors of her work in excitement. They were drawn to it. As my teacher said “let’s pretend that it is in black and white and focus on the image and what she could do better” the next comment to follow was “I really like the colors of the garden and how it brings out her subject.” Did you really not just hear the words that came out of his mouth? He is done with the color. He wants to know about composition, about lighting, about anything other than the color that is not supposed to be there in the first place.

Let’s just say, we never got off the color wheel.

I presented mine next. I was eager to hear feedback. I wanted to know what I could do better, what did they notice that I didn’t, how did they feel, what parts they didn’t like. I put my simple contact sheet up next to my one black and white photo. The response was neither good nor bad. Nor was it helpful. No one said anything without exaggerated prompting from my professor. They commented on my model (good, she deserves to be complimented, she is beautiful.) They mentioned my good use of shadow, but did not know what parts were shadowed or why it was good. It wasn’t like they didn’t like it or they did – they were just dead in the eyes, not involved, not wanting to be there. I took down my photographs with no helpful hints except more variation, which was also a positive reaction to my work.

I did a full circle.

Although no one had anything to say about mine, I was still eager to see other people’s work and learn from their experience.

The pieces to follow were in color, some were moved subjects, some were edited on Photoshop to boost the contrast. None of them followed the instructions like we were asked.

I felt bad as my teacher causally said “did I not say to put them in black and white” or “it’s the first time so I can see why you would make that mistake.”

When confronted about their pieces mistakes, lies fled like rivers. “Is this natural lighting?” “Yeah, it’s outside. I did use a reflector, but that’s it.” I do not know much about using my camera to it’s full possibility yet, but I know that you cannot get flawless skin and backdrops with perfect white/black contrast in natural light in the middle of Union Square with a plastic reflector.

Tim knew this too, but he didn’t say a thing. How could he?

His class had played him.

They took his assignment, his tips, his time, and threw it in the bottom of their though pile.

I would hate to have been him, because I hated being in the class.

I know this is my chance to shine. Be the one who does it right, blah blah blah. That doesn’t matter if no one else can put any effort in.

I cannot imagine thinking how the students in my classes act. If you do not want this, then please do not waste my time. If you are unprepared, do not show up. Your money is getting deposited weather you are there warming a seat or you are home being “busy.” Please, do not come unless your attitude toward the class is positive and you want to be there. The school could care less if you showed up. We are no longer in high school. We pay to be here. We go to colleges and university not because we have to, but because we want to. If you do not want to put a little effort in, get out. It’s week three and you have already proven you do not have the motivation to succeed in this program. Stop wasting your parents money, stop wasting your professors energy, stop wasting my time.

Grow up or get out.

Wow.

I feel better.

Goodnight. 

screw the idea of waiting for magic, everyday is magic.

I have been waiting for a sign, an inspiration, a moment of pure overflow of word vomit to appear in my lap. I was waiting for something to fall from the sky or for someone to yell a story from across a room. I was waiting for magic, but I came to realize that magic is in the every day simplicities. I realized that every single day something happens that is important at creating my life story. I had lots to say while I was in Italy because I was so fortunate to have the opportunity to live and thrive in a foreign country, but I am also very lucky to wake up each day in Salt Lake City, Utah with a wonderful family, good friends, and a place to call home. So screw the idea of waiting for magic, everyday is magic. And what you just witnessed was me having a moment of clarity, a moment of thankfulness, and a realization that every day needs to be lived like it’s my last.

You finish reading that and now the sigh of relief floods out of your mouth because Audrey’s sentimental, tender time is over. Now it’s on to the things Internet junkies love to hear. For example I recently (like yesterday) purchased an iPhone. It is incredibly addicting and I personally apologize to anyone I ever publically made fun of for being so obsessed with an electronic. This device can do everything, like Instagram and Foresquare while Tweeting about it and posting everything on my (and your) Facebook timeline, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I feel like I am part of club now, the iPhone Club. We should get jackets.

Well, I just checked my iPhone and it said that it was past my bedtime. Here’s to better posts in the future and to being thankful for everything we are presented with. xoxo

audrey verses the job market

I have been trying to get a job. 

You know, make my mark in this world, earn some daily income, help put chai teas on my table and concerts in my future, but it seems to me that the employment gods are clearly unhappy with me for a reason that I am unaware of.

People say that getting a job is hard, but getting rejected is harder.

I have applied to coffee shops, at libraries, for hair salon receptionists, and do you think any of them had the heart to call me and tell me that “I am sorry Miss Rotermund, but you are too good for our staff and we are sorry that you did not get the position.”

No.

None of them did.

None of them called.

I was left to soak in my misery of humiliation that I was so unwanted no one took the time to tell me so.

 

I even got rejected from an internship. AN INTERNSHIP.  How can a company who says “interns make the world go round” reject a wonderful person like me who is willing to work for free and is excellent at going for coffee runs? That is just real low company who will not be named. Real low.

On a lighter note, I applied to six jobs today. SIX. I am hoping that this is the lucky number, because obviously three was not the charm.  Everyone cross your fingers and Grandma, pray to the saints for me!

Okay.

I have a confession.

The main reason I desperately need a job is not because I am great need of money, I don’t have anything to spend money on, it is because I am lonely. I will admit it; I am tired of spending my days alone with the only company of my iTunes and studies.

 People, I need socialization.

It is very hard for me to wake up in the morning, get dressed beautifully, spend time on my hair and make up, spend time in a fifty-minute class, and go home without a word spoken to anyone. I have lack of energy to get make myself presentable if the only person to enjoy it is the creepy truck driver at the red light and the quick glance from the guy asking if he can use my pencil.

I am sure the grannies at 24 hour fitness love my bright eye make up, but I want more than those sag bags to notice and see it.

I do my homework, apply for jobs, and check my email every thirty minutes.

There is only so many times a girl can reorganize her room.

 I open the fridge multiple times, but get disappointed because there is nothing I want even though it is crowded with good foods. I am seeking company and no offense string beans just don’t do the trick.

My hard working family comes home from a day long of socialization, seeking quiet time, and all I want is to talk their ears off because I have been silent all day.  And I do talk. I talk a lot. And that frustrates all of them.

My loneliness is taking a toll on my family.

I need a social life.

So if you are out there future employers, please, take this plea for a job as a desperation to save the ears of my family and my sense of well being.

Please!

the first impression rose

Happy Friday the thirteenth and here is a toast to the weekend that is about to come. Also, let’s open that figurative keg and poor me a figurative glass of beer in celebration to the finishing of my first week at a real university. Yahoo, I cannot believe I made it. I met a lot of new people, no that is a lie, I SAW a lot of new people this week, got lost more than once and did not ask for directions or look at a map (which would advertise my newbie status if I did,) and I parked in the student zone with my new permit in a lot that is more than freezing away from my destination. Ah, isn’t college grand? No, really, it was a very good week, and I am going to tell you all about it.

In order for me to give you a glimpse at my first week, we are going to play a little game of The Bachelor: Back to School Edition.

Now for those of you who do not watch that dreadfully addicting sort of television, let me give you a little background on what happens in the first episode.   The show begins with me:

The eligible, sweet, hopeless leaner, who is just looking for someone to spend the rest of my educational semester with. I am dying to be happy and find that perfect professor. I wait, in the student union, to meet the lovely educators who want to be mine and teach me everything their little minds have to offer through compassion and textbook readings.

In each class I meet a contestant and they try to make a first impression on me. See, at the end of the week (today) I give out the “first impression rose” to the professor I want to really learn more in their class with. It is critical to get a rose on the first night, or else I will drop the class and that professor has to make the walk of shame and cry in front of a camera. It is a dramatic experience and I have to make a very difficult decision. But before that happens, let’s meet the educators: 

First is Norman Elliot from Intro to Interpersonal Communication.

This may not be an actual picture of Norm, but he sure does look like him (with a little extra pounds. making his sweater stretch and his buttons weaken) Norm is a funny, video clip, open guy who is always willing to communicate his emotions and tell you what they mean.

Next to walk in the union is Mister Foundations of Business, Richard Dunie.

Richard likes to teach classes that have an eighty boy to ten girl ratio. He also likes pointing out that old Dickenson does not think that Harry Potter is educational reading. His downfall is his lack of knowledge of how to set up a computer to the projector.

Coming from the building of BEH is the discussion leader for Analysis of Argument, Maurianna Shelbourn.

Mauri may just be an aid, but with her wild red locks (not demonstrated in the photograph because that is really not her) and the piercing that looks out of place on her left eye brow, we know that she will keep it awkward and go “beyond the textbook.”

Stopping by during my lunchtime is Argument Analyzer, Michael Middleton.

This guy is younger than the picture shows because the picture is actually a visual representation of his non-related name twin, the father of the new young bride of England. He is excited about his job and likes to roam around the auditorium while teaching.

Late night movie geek, Chris Lippard with Intro to Film comes with not only a scarf but also an English accent:

He may teach a four hour class that ends at ten, but his movie choice is wide and entertaining. It includes everything from Citizen Kane to The Big Lebowski. He does not like to sit on tables because they are not chairs.

And last, but not least is Natalie Nyman, the discussion cow girl of Intro to Interpersonal:

She may look like Dj Tanner from full house, but this girl has a ring on her left finger and love for asking what your favorite food is. She also is an early riser and when she has nothing to say, she lets you go early. What a gal! (Please note the picture is really Dj Tanner and not Natalie.)

Now that we have met our educators, it is time for me to get to know them through their classes. And YOU, as a reading audience, get to read the inside scoops. We begin on a Monday. . .

My first class of the college experience was Intro to Interpersonal. This class is all about the communication between people and what it all means. I walked out realizing that every person we meet we form a relationship with, weather it be long lasting or short lived.

That evening I went to Business Foundations. It was here that Channing Tatum’s look a like sat three chairs away from me (that is why is picture is included in the cast shot shown earlier.) I even made a friend in this class, her name is Crystal (I think) and she wants me to take photographs of her babies at a cheap price. Oh, the class is about the foundations of business and we learned about Christopher Columbus and his “native employees.”

Tuesday, the only class I got to spend time in was with Suzy Q (aka Maurianna.) This class was kind of pointless because it was the discussion class to a class that I had yet to attend. The people with me included professional glass blowers and a girl who looked sweet but actually likes to hunt and kill deer.

Wednesday I had a second chance to get to know the Interpersonal educator. It was nice to get some more time before this final decision.

On Thursday, I was taught about arguments and how to analyze them. The most surprising thing about this class so far is that I actually know someone in it! Madi answered a question and all though she was sitting behind me, I knew it was her voice.

That night, I watched Citizen Kane in my Intro to Film class where I was encouraged not to take any notes because he will give us the notes already typed up.

And today, my final class of the week was getting to know Natalie for Intro to Interpersonal.  All we did was some slight awkward introductions and were released thirty minutes early. I could not believe that I woke up early, took a shower, and got presentable, ran to class in the cold, and then sat there for twenty minutes only to be told we could leave cause there was nothing else to say.

After meeting each professor, I sat down in my kitchen, all alone, eating wheat thins, and made a critical decision.

Tonight, I give the first impression rose to Chris Lippard with Intro to Film. He was enthusiastic and funny and I cannot wait to spend the rest of the semester with him.

Chris, will you accept this rose?

xoxo

my day.

• i drove to school topless. 
• Listening to Madonna- of course
• parked/stalled the car in my spot in the lot
• walked across the parking lot
• waved to Ryan and Ian in the silver car
• laughed about how lame I am
• went to creative writing
• finished writing my monologue 
• spelled my last name wrong
• sent Grey a text
• walked to productions with Grey and Danny
• wished i was a super hero 
• auditioned for Bang Bang Your Dead
• wished really hard I got Emily or Katie
• called Becca
• had lunch with Becca and company
• listen to a gay guy call my guy friend hot while he walked by. 
• laughed about it to myself.
• went to AP LIT
• told Sam that we are not in kindergarten and he doesn't need to steal my stuff
• I said it a little nicer than that
• listened to Lake talk about the test
• cringed at the idea that i am going to fail this grammar test
• got over it
• then cringed again
• started to cry
• not really but my brain was sobbing
• packed my stuff
• walked down the hall with Becca
• went to Franks room and asked about my photography
• he said i was talented
• i said thank you
• walked to the student parking lot
• tripped over the rock in the road
• felt stupid
• got over it
• drove home topless listening to....
• i dont remember
• not really that important
• told my father about my great day
• ordered my prints 
• drove topless to play practice
• said hi to amy
• arrived ten minutes late
• disrupted everything buy saying "im so out of it" way to loud
• rehearsed my parts
• became the part Betty Blast
• go me.
• got a script
• went home
• had dinner at noodles and company with the family
• ran errands
• picked up my prints
• watched glee
• was disappointed with glee
• took a shower
• put lotion on my face
• wrote this post
• looked at photographs
• went to bed